Romance

Laura and I talk on the phone about 15 times a day. The majority of our conversations consist of her saying, "Sammy is screaming and Stella just took her diaper off - click." At church, we get a solid 15 minutes of engaging discussion or insight and then its the usual screaming, crapping, eating, cant find something, etc.


A few months ago Laura and I were on a walk and she told me all about the art movement, Globalism and that has really been the most exiting thing since sleeping in an extra five minutes before Stella's diaper starts to leak and the day starts over. The conclusion that I am getting at with the above mentioned scenarios is that there is not a lot of what the world would define as Romance going on in our lives. But I think that the world needs a new definition.


This year was a landmark year for me. 9 years of marriage this month. Stella is beautiful and healthy. Sam is five years old and amazing. When I was five my parents' marriage was over. My mom took us to my grandparent's house and we moved on. As I was saying, Sam is now 5 and a few months ago we subscribed to the great grand American vacation and hit Disneyland for the first time. Despite the whole "Disney" stigma and perpetuation of romance ideals, etc, I have to say that the following simple equation made me so happy:

Me 5 years old = Divorce
Sam 5 years old = Disneyland

At the end of the night, Sam had the big ears and everything. There he was, candy stains all over his tired face, riding the parking shuttle at midnight with his eyes lazily open and a big smile on his face, it was so great.


So what is this romance business? And why do people fall in and out of commitment?
Now that we are about to celebrate our 9 year anniversary, the divorce stats are already starting to become a harsh reality all around us. I know that we are not experts on the subject. I do think one thing though: The grass is never greener." I think that it is safe to say this under the majority of circumstances.

When Laura and I were going through our fertility issues trying like hell to have another baby. No offense to any one but I am convinced that the whole family pretty much at one point or another thought we were totally nuts. And at some point I think that Laura and I did question our sanity. But we continued down the path and gratefully had Stella. We went through some of the most difficult stuff we will probably ever have to deal with and came out the other side, intact having more love for each other then we had before. I am not sure why the world wants relationships that are fragmented and only deal with a snapshot of a person in a short period of non-committed time. The real pay off is sticking with it and getting to know each other as whole people, warts and all.

Even Disneyland gets it. I always thought the "happily ever after" was perpetuating romance ideals. But if you look closer almost every story is about going through some difficulty however simplified and finding redemption and happiness on the other side. Maybe old Walt was trying to say that "happily ever after" consists of going through the challenge, redemption, and resolve cycle over and over. The myth is that happiness should come without effort.

So romance, what is it? I think that it is going through challenges and getting to the other side. The pay off is there and it takes whole people to go through them.

November 21 1998 - 2007 I love you more than ever.