SAM & STELLIE

Flower Girls

2010-05-02T06:23:00.004-07:00

I love Spring! Last Sunday at Lovisa's house, the girls covered themselves in the flowers.

Feeling a Little Spacey.

2010-02-28T10:40:00.002-07:00

Things I've lost since December:

one--$50.oo gap gift card, Christmas present from Tom

one--very important light pink, but mostly gray Bunnytown, i.e. Stella's BFF

one--Stella's bright red coat, brand new, only one month old.

two--cell phones, one week apart from each other

all--of my contact numbers in said cell phone

Thus, it follows, that I've also lost my mind. If you see it around, call Tom's phone. I have no idea where mine is.

Sincerely,

Lost

2010-02-18T14:22:00.002-07:00

A child needs a mother who is not constantly abraded by philosophies that inflate her accountability while obscuring her effort.

Janna Malamud Smith

National Parks & my new interest in Landscapes

2010-01-31T21:43:00.002-07:00

ever since I took a class on Land Art, landscapes and representations of landscapes have been transformed for me. Previously, I thought works like the Hudson River School and the like, which glorified the land and therefore the nation, to be rather dull, typical and lacking in depth. It was, however, just my limited perspective. I am now quite inspired by them, looking to the land and to the landscape, as a source of the spiritual, the transcendental, & the sublime. I am reminded of all of my back country hikes with my dad through solitary trails cut off from the everyday chaos of Los Angeles. To him, I am grateful for these trips, travels and escapes where one is alone with the silence of the land. I highly recommend Ken Burn's documentary The National Parks. Inspiring, very inspiring!

Follow the Prophet

2010-01-31T21:22:00.003-07:00

This great little gem was on our old laptop that died a terrible dead. Tom recently revived the hard-drive, by pulling it out and putting it in some kind of external hard-dirve backup thing. Among the many poorly written papers and old talks, was this lovely little movie of our Sammy. It requires little introduction itself.

Winter Vacation and the difficulty of starting again

2010-01-26T03:44:00.005-07:00

Whinny Post: I had a lovely Christmas vacation--at home with my family and my kids. I have no desire to start writing & working again and that is a bit depressing. Here are some holiday highlights.

Ballet dancing with Stella on a snowy afternoon...

Surprise Spy attach while reading & snuggling a blanket by the fire. . .
(p.s. The gendering going on in these images is certainly not lost on me, but for sentimentalities sake, we're going to kill the critic, skip the formal analysis and just focus on the tenderness for the moment.)

I love my little ones. I'm missing them all over again while I'm at school.

If you can't take the Frankfurt, get out of the kitchen!

2009-11-25T19:05:00.005-07:00

I've been reading about how kitchen were redesigned in the 1920s and 1930s by a woman named Margarete Schütte-Lihotzky. Called the "Frankfurt Kitchen," Schütte-Lihotzky, among many others, were attempting to make a more efficient, more rational domestic space that would be time-saving. All of this push towards greater functionality is based on Industrial Revolutionary models of productivity--think factory line and Fordism. The Frankfurt Kitchen was the result of detailed time-motion studies (mapping how housewives moved and used the kitchen) and was heavily influenced by the railway dining car kitchens of the period. According to Henri Lefevbre, “The kitchen’s spatial transformations affected the movements, postures, and gestures of its users. Only one person at a time could work in its new, efficient space. To minimize the work effort, the repetitive and monotonous model of the factory work performed alone on the assembly line.” Awesome. So, like academic articles, none of these were illustrated. I went onto google images and I found the this lovely gem above this text.

This image in color and in style reminded me of this lovely gem that I have so many fond memories of:

Ok, well, it's a bit of a poor photo given that the kitchen is under construct at the time it was taken but look! We were so very historically accurate in our color selection for our 1930s little home! How very Frankfurt of us! Luckily, this particular kitchen was late 1930s and there was a little more room for a few more bums in the kitchen.

Halloween, TO Cheap or Not to Cheap that is the question?

2009-11-05T08:44:00.007-07:00

We, at the Hurtado house, love Halloween. I think its because its a pretty simple holiday which involved eating candy, is only on one day, and doesn't require a large amount of cooking. Simplicity and Sugar--what more could one ask for?!?

Stella, for the forth year running, was a witch. I love classic Halloween staples like the witch. Adorable! Adorable!

2 year Witch Comparison--October 2007 vs. October 2009

Here is Sam, a Jedi! this year. This was the first year that I broke down and just bought store manufactured costumes in advance. McFrugal, cheap, whatever you call it, I typically prefer just coming up with something around the house and calling it a costume.

Last year, however, ended up not working well and we learned our lesson. In 2008, Sam dressed in all black with one black glove in a vain and yet failed attempt at Luke Skywalker. The no weapons rule at school really did this one in. Stella, actually started off as a scarecrow in old overalls and one of sammy's shirts and real corn husky that we grew in our garden. She ended up looking raggamuffin and unloved. When the first trick-or-treaters knocked on our door and said, "Oh, the old ever trusted Hobo costume! I love it!" and then the wife swiftly corrected him, "No, Ron! I think that's just what she's wearing. I don't think she in a costume." I knew we had not succeeded in properly costuming our children that yet. I quickly sent Stellie upstairs to don the ever trusty witch costume. Funny, I don't have any pictures from that Halloween!

Poor Souls!

Sam's 2 year Halloween Comparison
2007 vs. 2009
In a much more successfully thrown together pirate costume which included worn out shorts of his, a striped shirt of mine, Tom's belt and a sword we had around the house.

The Digital Age and my Butterfingers

2009-10-30T13:15:00.005-07:00

What is great about digital cameras:
1. You can see the picture right away
2. You can store of these great images right there on your camera

The hazards however:
1. If you are like me, seeing the pictures right away, means that I never develop any of them--ever. Cheap-o lame mom!
2. if you don't download images to your computer you can quickly erase them in a crunch without thinking about it.

The pictures of Stella's birthday party would fall under the hazardous cautionary tale category.

Pictures of Her beautiful butterfly winged friends, butterfly cake, and butterfly art project are all gone, gone and gone forever. The fleeting moment of childhood meant to be memorexed and frozen through photograph was erased in a moment of sudden urgency. Roland Barthes posited that photographs are in effect ghosts because the referent they capture is already gone, already not three, already moved on. Well, Barthes, how I wish I had those ghosts still around to remind me.

What was worth replacing these priceless stills of stella's three year oldness?

Stupid pictures of the break-in at the 4-plex. Stupid thief. stupid me for erasing them. Poor Stella. It was such a lovely party.

As a piece offering from such a short mother, I offer this song written by Paul McCartney to his little Stella

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wpr2IEjVSg

Images I've been working through this Year

2009-10-30T13:04:00.007-07:00

Strange International Airport Montello. Google it. Its a trip.
Trevor Paglen. Had the oppertunity to meet him this semester. Super cool spy "black world" photography. Check out http://www.paglen.com/pages/media.html to see him on the Colbert Report.

Kelly Brooks. Love her work. Does this really cool maps of kitchen traffic patterns.

Among these, I'm still sorting out my thesis research. But, it's been a pretty cool semester thus far.

Short Mother

2009-10-30T12:41:00.004-07:00

Yesterday Stella told me that she didn't love me. When I pushed, she insisted that I was not tall enough, "Only Tom is tall, so I only love Tom." Alas!

Goblin Valley

2009-10-20T00:21:00.006-07:00

Stella's Birthday Party Invitation

2009-06-01T13:51:00.000-07:00

Sam's Seventh

2009-05-30T21:27:00.004-07:00

Sam turned seven. SEVEN! This year we planned a Jedi Training Party awarding all of the young Jedis with lightsabers--after they of course past the training with push ups, sit ups, obstacle courses with metrorites and storms of bullets (bubbles) from strom troppers and the like. Once trained, the evil Darth Vader (sweet Tom always taking a beating from the kids) arrived and they all pummeled him to the ground. It was lovely. Stella, oddly and gratefully, slept though the entire event.

We are quite happy to have this little troll in our lives. What a sweet little boy he is. We love you Sammy.

The end of a Grand Era

2009-05-08T08:22:00.006-07:00

Stella, the great Escapist!

Almost a year ago, Stella figured out how to climb out of her crib. We quickly slurged on a $80.00 crib tent in order to continue to contain her a few months longer. We censored any references that suggested entrappment. We renamed it a more positive "princess bed." This had a lulling effect for about six wonderful months of sleepfilled nights. HOWEVER! The other day, I heard her upstairs during her nap. Somehow from within the tent, she pushed her entire crib to the door of her room in order to get out. This is one determined (and inventive) little girl.

I am most convinced now that we have only a limited number of lingering days of solid containment. The tent with its twenty safety pins can not hold her insurgency for long.

She is forever the great escapist!

Beautiful Little Stella looking Coy.

2009-04-20T20:43:00.000-07:00

HOORAY FOR CAA!

2009-04-20T20:41:00.002-07:00

LA with the Girls.
I must admit that going to the Getty with Art Historians is significantly more enjoyable than with the little ones.

Just in case you wanted to make cookies...

2009-04-20T20:35:00.002-07:00

Cheers to our future pastry Chef!

Guess Who Learned to Pedal and Ride a bike?

2009-04-20T20:34:00.001-07:00

I can't believe how big this little baby butterfly is!

Tom's Show

2009-03-16T09:57:00.000-07:00

Tom's freakin cool show. You guys should all fly out and come.

Catfish, Amazons and Showers

2009-03-15T22:05:00.008-07:00

The Weekly Cute Roundup

Sam and Stellie were showering together this evening and when Sam decided he was done & turned off the shower. Stella was not impressed and a little confused at the sudden lack of water. She shouted, "Oh no, Mom! The shower is out of batteries! we have to fix it!"

Though more indicative of her personality than her plumbing troubleshooting skills, is Stella, the Amazon. She refused to wear a dress today to church, insisting on pants. While gathering our things, she ripped of her shoes, ran outside, climbed to the top of the swing set and started screaming a tribal yell for Independence. She then proceeded to swing as high as she could with her head tossed all the way back. When she was ready, she came back in and put on a dress and grabbed her doll and went to church. What a gal!

Sam was sent to bed at 8. At ten, he shouted that he was so very very hungry. We went up there to put a stop to all of his fatigued shannaigans when he explained that he was so hungry, he was as hungry as a catfish. Mmm... This inventiveness earned him a slice of bread. He is now always...sleepy as a catfish, mad as a catfish.

Thus, this week Catfishes, Amazons and battery-operated showers have all become very very big.

Sundays at Grandmas

2009-02-23T22:37:00.001-07:00

check out Kaer's blog for more extensive footage--dearandbeloved.blogspot.com

Mary (holy cow!) Kelly

2009-02-23T21:57:00.006-07:00

I'm going to a conference in LA on Wednesday with several other grad students. The conceptual feminist artist Mary Kelly will be giving a FREE lecture and I am over the moon. Her extensive five year project called the Post Partum Document is one of my favorite pieces of all time--one that I spent several months writing, researching and trying to understand. Among many other things, the work addresses the labor of mothering, by documenting feeding schedules, diaper stains, portions of lovie blankets, and the slow introduction of language. Her work, like motherhood, is challenging, complicated and completely fasciating. I love her, love her! I'm star struck at the thought of hearing her speak. Thank you Tom for taking the extra shift for me to have this wonderful oppertunity.

We miss Summer!

2009-02-23T05:42:00.005-07:00

Last summer, Tom bought this old billboard for $20.00. The world's greatest slip and slide.

But poor Snowy us! By February, I'm always ready for summer.
The weather is starting to warm up a little and we've taken out the rusty old bikes, dusted them
off, and started riding again. Spring!

Happy Valentine's Day from Sam

2009-02-14T01:53:00.003-07:00

The light savers seem a bit suggestive to me. . . ?

Happy Valentine's Day from Stella

2009-02-14T01:46:00.002-07:00

Stellie's a little obsessed with My Little Pony right now.

How many Allreds can you fit on one couch?

2009-01-07T21:01:00.003-07:00

I love this picture (despite my double chin. I swear I don't have one. This is a great picture of my family and me, not so much.) But, there is this running joke about the Allreds that if three people are in a room and that room has three chairs, all three Allreds will be sitting on top of one another and the other two chairs will be empty. We are snuggly to a fault. When this picture was taken Andrew, Mike, Abby, Nacho, Maya and I were all having a little heart heart, Allred to Allred conversation on that tiny piece of couch you see there. In that same snuggly position you see right there. What a bunch!

What Christmas Looks like at our house

2008-12-31T00:23:00.000-07:00

No Sammy! That you!

Kershinsnik's Nativity

2008-12-18T17:21:00.003-07:00

In light of the completion my research paper, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding: Contemporary Images of Lactating Women, we loaded up the kids in the car and headed off to the UMFA to see this great painting Nativity by Brian Kershinsnik.

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?

2008-12-17T19:27:00.002-07:00

Sam loves to tell riddles and jokes. One of the many, is why did the chicken cross the road? The answer typically has to do with star wars, light sabers, and often has little to do with poultry or philosophy in general. However, the last time he posed the question, Stella exclaimed, "Chicken! GET OUT OF THE ROAD! ITS A DANGEROUS PLACE!" I'm glad to know she's been listening.

Romance and Religion

2008-12-17T12:04:00.004-07:00

Read this article about how romantic comedies effect relationship expectations. Click here.

I would also like to hear your comments about how unhealthy expectations affect religious devotion. Is it possible to romanticize religion to the point that it inevitably disappoints you?

AN ADAPTATION

2008-12-06T18:59:00.002-07:00

To all of those looking to get into the Christmas spirit, check out this wonder Christmas gem, a post-modern adaptation of Mr. Krugger's Christmas by our dear friends English & Kelly.

HEY STELLA!

2008-12-06T08:07:00.006-07:00

I just read A STREET CAR NAMED DESIRE for the first time and let me assure that I did not name my Stella after Stella Kowalski who is so nice and kind but for goodness sake, she needs to get a backbone. However, I thought you may enjoy this oft quoted scene. Marlon Brando, as the out-of-control Stanley Kowalski, is so vintage attractive, so wonderfully brutish and has no hint of his later Apocalypse Now look. (He's got nothing on Tom though!) Yet as passionate as this scene is, as a Landlord, all I could see is horribly loud neighbors. HEY STELLLLAAA! No way, not for me, not at 2 in the morning. No thank you. Put a shirt on and just go away Stanley.

Vespa Dies Again

2008-12-05T22:31:00.012-07:00

This a follow up to my post a few months ago click here. Being that my scooter was built in 1979, I should have realized that parts and pieces are prone to wear out after a few decades. I also should plan on a pre-flight check each time I ride where I make sure there are no metal pieces on the verge of being sheared off exist. No detailed pre-flights have been done since 1979.

Today I happily arrived at work amazed that I could put on some gloves and still ride in on a cold but snowless December day. At about 3:30 I headed for home and on a straight away a big popping noise ocurred and my back wheel locked up forcing me to steer out of several fishtails to keep from laying the scooter down. Luckily I was able to keep the bike up after skidding for about fifty feet.

When a kind hearted passer by offered to help me get the scooter off of the street, the back wheel feel off revealing that the rear axle had broken in half.

Last time my scooter brokedown it took 3.5 years to get it fixed. I am hopeful that next spring will be all that I have to wait, that is if Laura will let me ride it again.

Thanks to any and all powers from heaven and on earth that kept me safe today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOM!

2008-12-05T21:58:00.003-07:00

I'm glad that we share neighboring birthdays, neighboring closets, neighboring pillows, and neighboring lives.

I glad that you will go to (and more importantly be interested in) strange modern art museums with our whole family and still like us afterward.

I love you.

So the batteries ran out on our camera. . .

2008-12-05T11:34:00.006-07:00

which shouldn't be a big deal because when we bought it, we got all of those nice rechargeable batteries. We have since lost said batteries after 'misplacing' the charger which we found just in time to not have any batteries. All in all, picture taking is requiring a little more of us that we are currently willing to give. and if I'm honest, (and a blog should certainly be a format for one's deepest confessions), my once always trusty talent of organization has gone out the window since a. starting grad school and b. realizing that a drawer organized, is a drawer 2 seconds later unorganized. Clearly, the batteries were at one point in the battery drawer. They must have grown legs as walked to the unknown locale of the formally hidden charger which suddenly appeared one day while looking for something else. I suppose one could chalk it up to letting my house turn back into its 'organic' state of chaos but there are days when I am feeling less philosophical and I realize that something must change. Like Brigette Jones, I make lists of goals, set new resolutions to most definitively find set spot for batteries and make well balanced dinners and really scrub that toilet. Unfortunately for her and I, another year passes and entries read the same.

As a band-aid, I offer pictures of my children, stolen from my sister's blog. Please Enjoy.

Stella at my/Tom's birthday.

Sam at my/Tom's birthday.

December 1:
Camera Batteries=still not working
Well-rounded dinner=pizza, soda and cake.
Toilet=not so much...

HAPPY B-DAY WILLA !!!

2008-12-01T17:18:00.002-07:00

I cant wait to roast you next year on your 30th.

TEN

2008-11-20T20:21:00.006-07:00

Ten years ago, Laura and I were married. A few days ago I was asked politely why I decided to marry so young. The authentic translation of the question was, "how could you be so nuts to marry so young? You are really lucky that it has worked out!" I can still remember Grandma Allred embracing me before the ceremony and saying, "I would like to be the first (she wasn't) to tell you that Laura is too young." So we were young, so what! I think that there is something to be said about building a life together while finding one's own individual identity. Over the years, we have seen a lot of really great times and like a roller coaster has its ups and downs we have supported each other through the peaks and valleys. I say simply with all of my heart that I love Laura more today then I did 10 years ago. Here's to the last 10 and forever to come. Love, Tom

SUPERBAMA

2008-11-05T13:59:00.004-07:00

we know you don't all feel this way, but...WE ARE VERY EXCITED!

Almost done

2008-10-29T17:03:00.001-07:00

PETE SEEGER

2008-10-24T21:48:00.005-07:00

I don't usually cry while watching David Letterman but watching Pete Seeger preaching a sing-a-long sermon at the age of 89 about optimism and creating change was unexpectedly powerful and much needed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4yKFsanqSo

Thanks Pete.

DOVE

2008-10-21T18:46:00.003-07:00

I would like know what you think about this ad campaign . . .

http://www.dove.us/#/features/videos/default.aspx[cp-documentid=7049560]/

Pumpkin Patch

2008-10-13T20:25:00.012-07:00

Stella - Blurry But Worth It

2008-10-12T21:14:00.004-07:00

Stella

Kitchen

2008-10-07T21:45:00.002-07:00

Kitchen sink is done. Dishwasher in done.

K bye

New Family Photo

2008-10-04T11:02:00.004-07:00

The Big Game

2008-10-02T22:03:00.006-07:00

Hurtados are historically sports-illiterate, we were/are a bunch of sissy choir people. One day Sam's uncle Lonnie introduced him to the pigskin and now Sam loves all sports. His nickname is el sporto (spanglish for "the Sport").

Lonnie you will be happy to know that we attended theUtes v.s. Oregon State game and had a great time seeing the Utes win in overtime (thanks for coming with us Warzacks). How about that 2 point conversion?! Stella was a bit squirmy and I had to go up and down 200 steps a few times for three potty trips. But she displays an athletic atitude toward the potty so it was like two games in one. Every touchdown, Stellie made a touchdown too.

Go Utes!

The Glad Game

2008-10-01T11:41:00.002-07:00

"Pollyanna's philosophy of life centers on what she calls "The Glad Game", an optimistic attitude she learned from her father. The game consists of finding something to be glad about in every situation."

I have allowed myself 7 minutes to write this post. Last night at about 2 AM I heard a banging sound and looked out the window to see people breaking into one of our tenants cars. I soon found out that they had already smashed our car window and rummaged through our stuff too. I mentioned funk in the fridge a post or two ago but I haven't really delved into the funk that I have been in for the last several months, more of a black hole really. Luckily Laura saved the day. As we stood outside in bare feet filing a police report and realized that nothing was missing from our car (our iPod and a spare car key were in the car), she said, "at least they didn't take anything." The moonlight wrapped a glow around her smiling face and I swear she looked just like Haylee Mills in Pollyanna talking about crutches and having legs or something. Seriously folks, we had a good laugh and had to replace a window today, big deal! Pretty soon the whole town is going to come over and get me outta bed and a musical will be playing in our front yard. Feel free to stop by.

Project Update

2008-09-29T21:51:00.005-07:00

Disposer Install

Porch Light

Finding the Funk

2008-09-26T22:53:00.008-07:00

For the last several weeks a unique scent has been ruminating inside of our fridge. Thankfully the Hurtado/Johnson nose is equipped with an exceptional sniffer, not as great as this one guy I knew in high school who could stuff 5 quarters up each nostril. Imagine how much air he could sniff into his cavernous nasal passages. For me, any smell with an unidentified source drives me nuts and drives Wil nuts because every bit of down time that we have, I spend talking about the smell and how much I wish that I could find and remove the funk.

This week the fridge smell reached an intensity that made us all crazy. Animals wandering into our yard became aggravated and disoriented every time our fridge was opened. We avoided chilled food and lived off raw meat, random food scraps and late season berries. So last night, Laura suited up in a garbage bag with a clothes pin on her nose and started looking for the smell. A few moments later, the source was found. Several rotten cucumbers lay pickled in green mold covered juices on the bottom of a drawer hiding underneath some egg plant. There is no greater feeling than finding the funk and removing a nasty smell. I thanked Wil and ran a victory lap around our house holding the white garbage bag in the air and then chucked it proudly into the garbage, it was liberating and pathetic at the same time.

On the flip side, my father in law, John Alan, lost his sense of smell after he crashed into a tree during a ski trip. As a result his sniffer does not work. I have wondered if John were to hit another tree or run into a wall face first if his sense of smell would come back, it's worth a try. Anyway, because of my heightened sense of smell there is nothing that annoys John more than me trying to find the funk. For example, my in laws used to have a house dog named, Sophie. Sophie was a nervous curly haired poodle sort of dog that crapped and peed in their living room for several years. This was a challenging time in their household one that involved many veterinary examinations and eventually led to medicating the dog so it could relax and stop having frenzied evacuations on the living room carpet. Unfortunately, the medication dumbed down the dog making the problem worse. Later on it was discovered that all Sophie needed was a doggie door. Her nervous tension was actually caused by having no access to the outside world when needed. I think that I would have responded the same way.

So during the "Sophie Years" I did what any good son in law would do and when we were in town I used all my energy to describe to John in the finest detail possible the pungeant odiforous smell of the carpet. You will be glad to know that I successfully drove him to the edge of sanity pointing out the wall of scent that Sophie created in the house. And even more maddening was the reality that the scent was only a doggie door away from ever existing. Poor Sophie, poor John. Oh the humanity!

Can you smell it?

WILLA

2008-09-24T10:43:00.007-07:00

Over 10 years ago Laura was getting ready to head home from college for the summer. We had been dating for a few months at that time so I decided to show her the greatest movie ever. To prep you, here is Roger and Ebert's 1981 movie review of the film:

Most of you know that Laura's nickname is Willa. The name comes from the above mentioned masterpiece ISHTAR. Before my dad vowed to never return to Video Verns, he purchased many discounted films, ISHTAR being one of them. We spent many summers trying to watch this movie from beginning to end to no avail. The first 20 minutes despite the above review are hilarious though.

Anyway, there is a scene in the movie where Warren Beatty's character is abandoned by his lover named Willa. So when Laura was leaving to California for the summer I started to call her Willa and quote the movie saying, "I don't know what I am gonna do now without my Willa."
Here's the only clip I could find. Unfortunately the clip stops right before Beatty starts to cry about his Willa.

PIONEER WILLA

So a few weeks ago the bishop of our ward stopped by to help with the porch on Saturday. We call him the G.C. because he pretty much acts like a general contractor, stopping in every now and again to correct our work.

While we were working, he mentioned how Laura is a pioneer woman. I chuckled in mild agreement as he maintained a straight face and said, "I'm serious." He went on to explain that he saw her mow the lawn while I was working on house projects a week or so ago and said that if she knew how to fix the porch she would be the one doing it. The bishop's comments reminded me of a story I heard about my grandma at the Johnson family reunion this past summer:

My grandparents owned a farm in Southern Utah. Once there was a tomcat making all sorts of noise climbing around on a fence outside. After a while the noise started to really annoy my grandma. So she grabbed a .22 rifle, aimed and shot the cat right off the top of the fence.

I am not promoting guns or animal cruelty. But that aside, my grandma was one tough lady, tough as nails. She was ready for any challenge life threw at her and worked her fingers to the bone all of her life.

Over the last ten years, I have been grateful over and over for the events that led me to find Laura. She is an intelligent and assertive woman who can hold her her own with anyone and I respect and admire her for it.

Yesterday there was a dog rummaging through some things that the kids left in the back yard. It's a good thing that there wasn't a .22 lying around.

Toilet Lemon and the Butt Sucker

2008-09-23T05:43:00.014-07:00

*I added U2 song called "Lemon" please tune in while you read this post.

I suppose it is time to share two childhood stories that I have been keeping from you due to the embarrassing nature of each story. However, they have been leaked by my brother who told them to Sammy last week during a camping trip and I was unable to intercept and stop the leak.

As a child, I once went to our family dentist, lets call him Dr. Ripper. While I was in the chair having a tooth examination, some startling information was discovered. I had thirteen cavities. Some may say that I could blame this on the the lack of fluoride in Utah's tap water at the time. Unfortunately I cannot. The following two stories will shock and amaze you:

TOILET LEMON

My favorite after school snack growing up was to suck on lemons. I would cut them in half and bite in, draining all the pulp and juice out. I can imagine my first set of teeth repeatedly biting down into the acidic enamel destroying substance over and over and over. Then I would turn the lemon half inside out and proceed to carnivorously devour the fruit meat leaving only the rind and sometimes I would even eat the white stuff, yeah the white inner layer of the rind. So this was not good. Even Dr. Ripper would probably agree, if he didn't get off on seeing children experience root canals without Novocaine or placing copper fangs on my brother Dave that protruded out of his mouth. I can still see Dave during recess in grade school probably ramming his fangs on the side walk until they mysteriously came off. Was Dr. Ripper a plumber or a dentist? Who knows? My mom says it doesn't matter what he was 'cause he was cheap.

One day I came home and after biting into a lemon a few times I had to use the bathroom. So I set the lemon half on the back of the toilet and forgot about it leaving it there. My brother Dave walked in some time later and curiosity got the better of him. He had always wondered why I would eat something so sour, for fun. So he tried the lemon, puckered up and threw it in the toilet. A while later my mom came in and saw the lemon floating sunny side up in the bowl and fished it out returning it to its original location on the back of the toilet tank. Eventually I made my way back to the bathroom and remembered where I had left my delicious snack. Seeing it in its original location, I picked it up and continued to eat it. Not noticing that it was watered down a bit. That night my mom stopped in to say goodnight and asked what happened to the lemon she fished out of the toilet. Dave and I shared a room, so he enjoyed watching me gag and spit.

BUTT SUCKER

After the divorce, we lived with my grandparents. Isaac and I shared a bed in the corner of the family room. One evening my aunt Dawn, bless her heart, gave us old fashioned suckers the kind with wooden handles. I think that mine was flavored green apple. I was the kind of kid that ate candy whenever, wherever. Halloween was a pillow case affair and after making the rounds I would stuff my pillow back in and eat candy all night. So I took the sucker to bed and fell asleep with it in my mouth. The next morning I can still remember a light going on inside my head when I realized the sucker wasn't in my mouth anymore. I looked over at Isaac and there he was with his back to me and I found my sucker. It was stuck to his Fruit of the Looms right smack in the middle of his right butt cheek. So I figured the Fruit of the Looms preserved the treat pulled it off and ate it.

Someday I may share the fish tank story although I am pretty sure that you can already imagine what happened.

Date with Stella

2008-09-20T17:01:00.005-07:00

Today our right front tire looked as bald as a babies bottom and almost as flat. So Stella and I went to the tire store and spent a wad-0-cash on some new tires and an alignment job. Anything I can do to help support businesses during the economic downturn, right? I prefer to buy anything petroleum based cause I know it raises the profit margin of almost all parties involved. Aint nuthin' better than some good 'ol American profiteerin'.

Luckily there was a stroller in the car. First, Stella and I hoofed it to the hardware store (plumbing job) and then stopped in at a bakery for breakfast where we shared an oatmeal and fruit dish and she tried a lemon wedge much to my delight. What a fantastic morning with my Stella bear.

Other Bits and Pieces:

Tried to remove a stubborn bathtub hot water valve and failed, again. Worked on the porch and made significant progress just in time for a rainstorm, the roof performed flawlessly. Unclogged rain gutters during the rain storm. Our friend David finished placing all of the kitchen counter tile, and Stella peed and pooped in the potty for the first time.

Back to our date, as Stella and I headed home after breakfast, we happened to walk past a drink station for an AIDS walk where we were offered Gatorade and informed that we were in position to take 5th place, who knew we were racing?! We still took the free drinks.

Thanks for the date Stellie, it made my day!

MUSICIMONY

2008-09-18T11:22:00.006-07:00

Yesterday my stress levels exploded into general agitation and I found myself without “sleep juice” after a brief bit of sleep from 10:30 – 11:00 pm. So with my mind racing, I got out of bed and searched for songs online until I found a few that made it possible for me to chill out and go back to sleep. Music is true.

Lover You Should Have Come Over - Jeff Buckley
Angel Flying To Close to the Ground – Willie Nelson
Bird on the Wire – Leonard Cohen

Kids and the Crazy

2008-09-18T11:22:00.003-07:00

Christmas came early this year in the form of red and green crayons intermingling with the clothes I placed in the dryer last night. I thought that I was doing well when I threw in a load of darks including some shirts and slacks that I needed to wear for secondary interviews I am holding today. I even removed a pack of pink Bubble Tape that I found in Sam’s shorts thinking to myself, “glad I caught that!”

So this morning you can imagine what I found. My enjoyment was enhanced when someone at work pointed out that I was wearing the same clothes that I wore yesterday.

HELMET

My brother Dave outfitted me with a new helmet to wear while cruising on my resurrected Vespa. Sam really likes my helmet and tried it on yesterday. I watched him go outside to sit on the scooter to take a pretend ride. The next morning there were several scratches on the glossy black finish. So I asked him what happened and he told me that he tested it out on the patio by banging his helmet covered head on the cement. He proudly informed me that his extensive field tests and research concluded that the helmet works.

You would think that these things would be a source of frustration and maybe for a second they are. But I think that it is a beautiful thing to have kids and an old house. I am 100% sure that when our kids are gone the first thing that I will miss is the chaos they bring. Permanent marker on the wall, dried food on the floor, broken everything.

A few month ago the cabinet guy asked what sort of finish we would like on our doors. My response was simple, “can you hit them and scratch them to camouflage what our kids will do to them anyway?”

His reply, “there’s a style for that, its called distressed.”

Fall Bash

2008-09-16T22:03:00.003-07:00

Vespa Rides Again

2008-09-14T20:57:00.007-07:00

After 4 years of sitting in the weather with an exposed wire causing the electrical system to short out, my brother Dave brought my Vespa back to life. Today, I rode it all the way home from Provo taking State Street and Highland Blvd. Laura followed behind and the ride took about two hours. Remind me not to wear shorts and flip flops next time! Thanks for bringing her back. The new shocks and engine overhaul made the ride the smoothest that I can remember.

Stella likes to climb up the outside of the stair rail. I invite anyone to try and stop her:

The Porch Project

2008-09-11T21:43:00.004-07:00

Good Times

2008-09-08T21:06:00.007-07:00

Jesus wants me for a "sun beap"

The kitchen project continues . . . .

Great Brothers

2008-09-08T21:00:00.001-07:00

I have two great brothers. I'm glad Stella has one too.

Apple Series

2008-09-07T23:22:00.006-07:00

Rocket Launch

2008-09-07T23:14:00.005-07:00

Boat Trip

2008-09-07T15:14:00.017-07:00

The Porch

2008-09-06T20:36:00.002-07:00

Today the porch project continued. I pulled a Video Vern and threw a
piece of uncooperative bead board into some bushes. Darn that Latin
blood when it gets boiling!

Sam Loves Soda Pop

2008-09-06T20:31:00.001-07:00

Sam hugging his "Sierra Must" as he calls it.

Stella Sings

2008-09-06T20:29:00.002-07:00

Stella likes to imitate my vocal warm ups. This is a picture of her
checking for correct larynx position while singing just like dad.

Junk Mail

2008-09-05T20:10:00.001-07:00

I received this email this morning. Priceless! How would you respond?

Begin forwarded message:

From: "Ulian M"
Date: September 5, 2008 3:03:04 AM MDT
To:
Subject: [ads] [UCE] i am looking for true love and also life partner.

I greet you

I am looking for a strong, kind, caring man. In my life I have almost
everything except love. Everything I want is to be loved by a man like you.
You seemed to me very interesting and different from others. And I think you
are the man I was looking for such a long time.
You can be sure, I will make you the happiest man in the world! I will make
true all your fantasies. And I can be for you not only a perfect lover, but
the best friend and good wife. We will spend all our free time together.
I need you here. I need you like my lungs need air.
I do not find strange that my second half is so far away, my destiny and
life has been all over the world, but now that I found you, I really need
you near me as soon as possible.
Please write me. I will be waiting for your
letter

Sweet goodbye

Ulyan M

Fly By

2008-09-05T09:58:00.004-07:00

I don't have time to blog. I have two kids, a job, a wife in grad school, and house projects. So here is my new format unless someone else decides to turn 65.

"How old are you Stella?"

"I two"

Sam discovered Star Wars

Our kitchen is gutted

Look what we found behind the cabinets

I wash dishes in the tub

Sam and I went to the Fathers and Sons

First day of school

This sculpture of a singing monk
(on display at Monet to Picasso exhibit
at the UMFA) reminds Laura of me

Lovisa Turns 65

2008-08-31T14:24:00.020-07:00

Last night we had a birthday dinner for my mom at the best canned Mexican food place you can find in Provo, Los Hermanos. When we asked my mom what she would like to do for her birthday, she said, "we can have dinner at my house." We all knew that this would not do for a woman who has ground her own wheat and cooked more homemade meals than any single human in the world. She made marshmellows from scratch once! So the children decided to treat her to dinner (Isaac and Kim tuned in on a cell phone from their new digs in Michigan), get her a special present

. . . and give her a good old fashioned roasting

Eege

My Mom is one of the few people from the great pioneering Johnson line to continue the colloquial tradition of pronouncing words that end in "age" with"eege". For example the word "garbage" would be pronounced, "garbeege". The posibilities are endless for this Southern Utah country bumpkin pronunciation: cabbeege, folieeege, poreege, blogeege, luggeege, etc.

Prom

When I was in high school, I meticulously timed one of my girlfriends to be my prom date during junior year. Unfortunately, a few weeks before the dance I was dumped. So I did the next best thing and asked the veterinarian's daughter at the pet store I worked to go to Junior Prom. As if this were not disgrace enough, when I brought her home to mom, her reply was, "Wow Tom! I don't know how you manage to date such beautiful girls when you are such a homely boy."

Polio and Babies

Shortly after Laura and I were married my mom decided to tell us a nice little story about a couple she knew that were able to have just one or two kids before the effects of polio set in making it impossible to have anymore. I think that she was trying to say don't wait too long to have children (boy was she right!). Unfortunately her lesson was lackluster due to the eradication of polio decades ago. A few other lessons ending with the words death and babies: Don't run over a box in the road a baby could be inside, don't take a shower with your baby because the soapy lather will cause the baby to slip out of your hands,fall on its head, and most certainly die.

Jackass

My mom would never talk badly about my dad in front of us. Even though we were young when the "Big D" went down, I think all of us knew that my dad pulled the trigger on their marriage. But when Aunt Dawn and Aunt Martha would come over after the kids were supposedly asleep, you could always hear my dad's name associated with cackling laughter and the word "jack ass." Thanks for the language lesson!

The Egalitarian

With all of this said, I did not get a chance to say a few more things about my mom. All of the above statements are endearing memories of a woman who at her core is the strongest person I know. I always know where I stand with her. She is direct, articulate and a true egalitarian. My mom is a genuine person and I have so many fond memories of her consistently giving all of her children individualized attention and love.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Thanks for bringing me into the world.

Love,

Tom

Miracle Child Almost 2

2008-04-09T11:29:00.001-07:00

EL SPORTO

2008-02-26T16:04:00.003-07:00

Sam came home from church last Sunday and said, "Do you realize how hot of a man I am." He was referring to his temperature after wearing church clothes in a hot chapel. But as you can see he is a "Hot Man"

Spiral Jetty

2008-02-25T13:55:00.002-07:00

We went to see Robert Smithson's Spiral Jetty on Saturday. Well worth the trip.

Latest Remodel

2008-02-25T11:57:00.002-07:00

We finished remodeling apartment #1 last month.
Take a look.

ELF YO'SELF

2007-11-29T20:06:00.000-07:00

Please click the links below:.

Sam, Stella, Tom, and Willa Click Here

Amanda and Clara Click Here

Isaac, Dave, and Tom Click Here

Dave and Kaer Click Here

Rainer, Davy, Wrestler and Eli Ellyson Click Here

Clara, Josh, Toby and Miles Click Here

Send me your elfs!

Halloween 2007

2007-11-14T03:09:00.001-07:00

Romance

2007-11-11T19:29:00.000-07:00

Laura and I talk on the phone about 15 times a day. The majority of our conversations consist of her saying, "Sammy is screaming and Stella just took her diaper off - click." At church, we get a solid 15 minutes of engaging discussion or insight and then its the usual screaming, crapping, eating, cant find something, etc.

A few months ago Laura and I were on a walk and she told me all about the art movement, Globalism and that has really been the most exiting thing since sleeping in an extra five minutes before Stella's diaper starts to leak and the day starts over. The conclusion that I am getting at with the above mentioned scenarios is that there is not a lot of what the world would define as Romance going on in our lives. But I think that the world needs a new definition.

This year was a landmark year for me. 9 years of marriage this month. Stella is beautiful and healthy. Sam is five years old and amazing. When I was five my parents' marriage was over. My mom took us to my grandparent's house and we moved on. As I was saying, Sam is now 5 and a few months ago we subscribed to the great grand American vacation and hit Disneyland for the first time. Despite the whole "Disney" stigma and perpetuation of romance ideals, etc, I have to say that the following simple equation made me so happy:

Me 5 years old = Divorce
Sam 5 years old = Disneyland

At the end of the night, Sam had the big ears and everything. There he was, candy stains all over his tired face, riding the parking shuttle at midnight with his eyes lazily open and a big smile on his face, it was so great.

So what is this romance business? And why do people fall in and out of commitment?
Now that we are about to celebrate our 9 year anniversary, the divorce stats are already starting to become a harsh reality all around us. I know that we are not experts on the subject. I do think one thing though: The grass is never greener." I think that it is safe to say this under the majority of circumstances.

When Laura and I were going through our fertility issues trying like hell to have another baby. No offense to any one but I am convinced that the whole family pretty much at one point or another thought we were totally nuts. And at some point I think that Laura and I did question our sanity. But we continued down the path and gratefully had Stella. We went through some of the most difficult stuff we will probably ever have to deal with and came out the other side, intact having more love for each other then we had before. I am not sure why the world wants relationships that are fragmented and only deal with a snapshot of a person in a short period of non-committed time. The real pay off is sticking with it and getting to know each other as whole people, warts and all.

Even Disneyland gets it. I always thought the "happily ever after" was perpetuating romance ideals. But if you look closer almost every story is about going through some difficulty however simplified and finding redemption and happiness on the other side. Maybe old Walt was trying to say that "happily ever after" consists of going through the challenge, redemption, and resolve cycle over and over. The myth is that happiness should come without effort.

So romance, what is it? I think that it is going through challenges and getting to the other side. The pay off is there and it takes whole people to go through them.

November 21 1998 - 2007 I love you more than ever.

Sam's Talk

2007-11-11T18:16:00.001-07:00

Sam gave the following talk during the primary program in sacrament meeting 11/11/07:

"The Liahona is round with a little point thing and a dot. It can only work when people are being good and also being nice and not naughty. That’s why we all talk about being kind to others. Something bad happens when Laman and Lemuel tie Nephi up and everything is so sore and there is a storm. That’s why we love the Lord everyday. We don’t want to forget. We don’t want to get lost I know that Jesus is our best friend. He loved his family. He had some little brothers."

"The lions were friends to Daniel when he prayed. It was strange because he put Daniel in the lions den. It would be so scary if I was in the lions den because I would be worried that they would bite me. Daniel wasn't scared, not one bit because he was brave and he prayed. When we pray, it will make us brave too but maybe not as brave as Daniel, because he was super brave. Daniel couldn’t see anything because remember there was a rock and it was like dark but Daniel had Jesus with him."

"Heavenly father came to him. Why did Heavenly Father come to him? I don’t know do you? The rod was hooked up to the tree you know. The rod is just a plain old rope. The tree means its heaven. They needed to hold onto the rod to get to the tree."

"The scriptures teach us to be brave and have faith. It is good to follow the scriptures they teach us to follow Jesus and to be kind and good. Amen."

Sam's Voicemails

2007-11-11T18:12:00.000-07:00

Over the last year and a half, Sam has left messages at my office phone. I have archived them over and over to save them in hopes that I would eventually get around to posting them on our blog. Just click the links on the right hand side to hear them.

We have a No Gun Policy.

2007-10-03T08:11:00.001-07:00

But here he is at the park with a stick and it looks a bit suspicious.

Harbor Seal - Part 2

2007-09-09T13:37:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago, before the poop parasite epidemic hit the Salt Lake Valley with more gusto than the recent opening of Utah's first IKEA, we were a family of swimmers hitting all of the local watering holes.

Sam, after years of perfecting the Koala bear stroke (ie clinging to me with his claws while I dragged him around the pool), took swim lessons all summer and now swims like a fish. Stella on the other hand has always considered herself to be a swimmer. With her Allred confidence, she has always entered the water as an Olympian, diving gracefully out of our arms into the water no matter the depth.

Early comparisons of Stella with a harbor seal were once again confirmed a few weeks ago when I went to the 9 foot end of the pool, holding her in my arms and jumped in submerging the two us underwater. When we floated to the top, there was Stella giggling like crazy asking for another turn. This may seem shocking that a 14 month old baby could hold her breath and enjoy swimming underwater. But it gets better. Afterward I was about 4 feet from the edge of the pool and decided to push her gently toward the side. She swam underwater to the side and pulled herself up, it was AMAZING!!!

If only the poop thing hadn't happened, who knows what she could be doing now, diving for coins on the bottom, swimming laps against the other amazing toddler swimmers.

Instead, we recetly felt like we had the non-vomiting flu for about a week and a half and there is now a toddler ban at all the local pools these days. Maybe Stella should have been wearing a swim diaper . . . J/K

Fathers and Sons

2007-08-23T20:51:00.000-07:00

Sam and I went to our ward's Father and Son camp out near Oakley Utah last weekend. Sam was so excited he called me at work several times on Friday to ask me when I was coming home.

At night, in our tent, I was joking around and talking a lot when Sam said, "dad, can you please be quiet so that I can go to sleep." What a role reversal! We had a great time together.

Sam is helping me write this blog these are his words:
"We, in the morning we ate breakfast before we went home. Mom was already mowing the lawn because it was Saturday. We also went we had there was thunder up in the sky and my friend said that there was like a square picture of thunder and he thought it was thunder and so lets just erase the end ok as we went, we went over to a lake that we throwed rocks in that was fun and we liked it the picture up ahead is of us at the stream. That it was so much fun that we found a fish laying up and its eyes were open and it was dead. That's all I want to say."

THINK, LET, and TRUST

2007-03-29T11:07:00.000-07:00

"Unlike those sports where you have to grit your teeth and go for it, skydiving is just the opposite. In order to excel you have to concentrate on relaxing, being calm and smooth. It's so hard not to try. But once you get your wings (learn to fly without thinking -- just like walking) it's the greatest feeling in the world, a sense of real accomplishment." Discover Your Voice, Oren Brown.

Muscle Man w/ Craft Scissors

2007-02-09T12:00:00.000-07:00

We try to go with Sam's interests. Some days he is an artist, a cook, a wrestler, a musician, an athelete, etc. What a great time of life it is to be 5 years old and totally unrestricted in his aspirations. He can do anything. One morning he ran around the house, shirt off, wearing moon boots, green underwear and a cape. Another day, his friends stopped by and a trypod turns into a microphone stand, the bed is a stage and the four kids played a rock show.
I wonder why we all think that we have to grow out of this phase and cookie cut ourselves to "fit in" to society.
In this picture the boy-man-child is flexing his muscles while holding some scissors he is using for a craft project.

Gift of Grace

2007-02-02T15:38:00.000-07:00

“As nearly as I can trace, my paintings emerge from living with people (and my dog) and from affection for the processes I use to make pictures. Although my skills of observation and craft are good, there is a fundamental element outside my control that make a picture succeed. It is a gift of grace every time it occurs, and it eludes me every time I try to control it” (Brian Kershisnik).

Sammy the Luchador

2007-01-25T10:53:00.000-07:00

Harbor Seal?

2007-01-24T15:53:00.000-07:00

There are many comments that one could make when seeing a baby. I would like to mention a few that have actually been uttered within our family to describe babies.

Comment number one, “that baby is as cute as a cookie.” This reaction is full of all the happy goodness that you would come to expect when gazing upon a baby. One could never go wrong comparing a baby to warm, sweet, and delicious baked goods unless comments like these were used to describe the contents of a full and overflowing diaper. Diapers are warm but never sweet and delicious unless you are my brother's dog, Midnight, who likes to regularly consume used diapers.

Another example perhaps of what not to say is, “that child’s head is gigantic and look at those ears! He looks like a platter with two handles.” I can see the mother now, eyes wide, gritting her teeth, foaming at the mouth while trying to cover the child’s handle-like ears to protect him from such thoughtless and insensitive comments. Truth be told, the child’s head did actually resemble one of those chrome turkey platters with the big gangly handles on each side.

A few days ago, a family member who will not be named sent us an email with a few pictures attached comparing our baby Stella to a harbor seal. At first, I was a bit taken back. How could this be? Our child cannot be compared to a seal or a platter? Why not a marshmallow, a fluffy piece of cotton candy, a Hostess product, but please not a harbor seal.

However, upon closer examination I realized that she does indeed resemble the loveable, not club-able harbor seal. Take a look:

We would like to personally thank the unnamed family member who had the courage to speak out about our child. More people should be willing to say how they feel about a child. I have often wanted to point out that some newborns are not "baked goods" material and they look more like Keith Richards, a reptile, or Liza Minelli. I will no longer hold back. People should be know the truth.

Here are some pics of our little harbor seal swimming in the water:

The Last Remodel

2007-01-17T09:52:00.000-07:00

We just finished remodeling the last of the apartments at our 4 plex. This one was a doooozzeeyy! Nasty carpet, hours of labor, fighting over cabinet knobs, home depot loves us, and my back hurts.

AFTER:

Wesley Willis

2007-01-04T06:58:00.000-07:00

In the words the late great Wesley Willis:

I'm sorry that I got fat.
I'm sorry that I got fat.
I'm sorry that I got fat.
I will slim down.

Truly he loved like a milkshake.

Hurtado Family Summary in Pictures

2007-01-04T02:42:00.000-07:00

Hurtado Family Summary in Pictures.

Christmas has come and the Goose is getting Fat..

2007-01-03T21:46:00.000-07:00

We've eaten. eaten. eaten. ice cream. cookies. cakes. we've traveled. gifted. partied. gamed. hugged. kissed. played with cousin upon cousin. nacho libred. made tons of messes all over both grandmas houses. museumed. AND Frankly we are merry christmas-ed out! SO, Happy New Year. Hope we are not the only geese getting fat, and now its time for some GO-Lean and salads.

HOLIDAYS

2006-12-19T14:42:00.000-07:00

So every year the feel of the HOLIDAYS is a bit different. In years past, I have been disconnected. But this year I am totally brainwashed by the whole thing, retail impulse buys and everything. I risked my life when a massive fake tree we put up in our front yard fell on me, I listen to Pandora on yuletide mode all day long, we actually sent out a card this year, the list goes on and on.
I hope all of you have an enjoyable holiday season and spend time with those you love.

MERRY CHRISTMAS !

Try to keep in touch

2006-11-06T10:59:00.000-07:00

We have spent the last several months buying a house. When I say buy, I mean make an offer, wait for offer to be accepted and close. Simple right? Wrong. So very wrong. To save you from the "nitty gritty", I choose to tell you the details as briefly as possible in the antiquated but useful telegram format. Here goes: Live Avenues impossible. Look for houses anyway. Get frustrated. Find 4 plex in aves owned by ailing 85 year old man. Nicest man in the world. House not on market. Make offer anyway. Wait for 3 months not knowing while covertly trying to evict 21 year old drug addict. Evict addict. Buy 4plex! Learn how to remodel 1940's house. Drink Coke.

The end.